Baptized

Hi. Today is the start of a whole new life. I got baptized today. My parents and my sister were here and Chads mom, brother, and sister-in-law were all at church with us this morning. This has been something that I have been doing a lot of thinking about and praying about the last couple months or so. I have done a lot of growing. Jay, the minister, and I have been meeting sporadically the last couple months or so and having discussions. Baptism was never something I ever remembering hearing much about. I mean, we all know the story of Jesus' baptism by John the Baptist and the whole spirit of the lord coming down as a dove and all but that doesn't mean we focused on the actual act of baptism. I don't ever remember seeing anyone baptized. My mom tells me that we used to baptize people in the river at our family camp each summer but I really don't remember. Anyway, today was the day. Jay had me stand up in front of the church and talked to me. The really awesome thing was that Chad got to baptize me. He was a little nervous, thinking people might think it was weird. But I had most everyone tell me afterwards how absolutly awesome it really was. A few of the ladies thought it was incredibly sweet, that it is not very often that a girl gets baptized by the man shes going to marry. I will never forget the look on Chad's face when I first told him I wanted to get baptized or the look on his face when I came up out of the water. Today was just an all around awesome day for me!

Future Plans...

Hello to all. Or at least all who take the time to read this! I just wanted to share a quick announcment. I will be getting married this summer. Yeah for me! Chad actually proposed last night. I haven't been able to sleep more then about 3 hours since then! And for me that is very very strange. I can sleep anywhere, anytime! So the story....We normally have bible study on wednesday nights and I go over to Chads when I wake up. So I got there about 6 pm (my normal time) and he greeted me in the kitchen (also normal) but then he made me close my eyes. He lead me out into the living room and made me sit down on the couch. I could sense though with my eyes closed that he was on one knee. Then he told me to open my eyes. I think I actually said "I don't think I want to." Great huh. Well I did and he had the ring and thats the end of it. I somehow ended up kneeling on the floor next to him and cried of course. A lot. So that's that. We are getting married. I called my dad this morning to ask him a question and he said "Well hello Mrs. Bewley...." Way strange but absolutely AWESOME.

Changes...

I hate change. I am such a creature of habit, its disgusting. My life is such a predictable thing most of the time and that's how I LIKE it. But things are all about to change and I am a little bit petrified. Chad and I have been talking quite a bit lately about the future and our future together and while none of these changes will be happening all that soon, the reality is that they WILL be happening. My roommates both moved out of my house last april. I am at the moment living completely by myself and loving every minute of it. I have Kody of course but the entire house is mine. I am a little nervous to have to live with someone again. Particularly someone who is not quite as messy as me. I don't want to drive him crazy with my inablity to stay organized but I know I will. Fight number one will probably be something along the lines of me leaving clothes on the floor or something and how it drives him absolutely nuts. Then there is the fear of having to give up my life as I know it. I haven't had to answer to anyone for so long, I'm nervous to do so again. I wont be just Tara. Decisions will have to be made by 2 people, the things I do will affect not only me but him as well. I won't be able to just get in my car with friends a 3 am and drive to Twin Falls just for the heck of it. Not that I am all that spontaneous, I just can be if I want to. I don't want to be all grown up. I don't want to be responsible. I love my life. I love having my very own house. I don't want to give that up. And the thing that probably scares me the most is the fact that my little house will not be where I live. I understand the financial benefits of living in the parsonage someday but that doesn't completely make me happy. I mean, I built this house. I picked the colors, the floorplan, the light fixtures, the carpet, the countertops and this house is totally me. I love it. It is perfect. And the reality is that soon, I might not ever live here again. I wilil have to sell this place and that makes me very very sad. This is the first big thing I ever did. I bought a house all by myself at 23 years old. And soon, I won't own even that. And yet, I will be spending the rest of my life with the man that I love. Its not bad, its just a change and that is what makes me so nervous.

Uncomfortable with myself

So the last couple of weeks have been very revealing for me. There are some things you should know about me (if you don't already) before I get into this. First of all, I was raised in a teeny tiny Nazarene church in Oregon. I never missed a Sunday service in the entire time I was growing up that I know of, unless we were camping with the church group! My mom was raised Baptist, my dad Dutch Christian Reform and/or Presbyterian. I am a religious mutt really. I went to Nazarene churches, attended a Nazarene College and have since gone to a few different churches in the area. Sometimes churches make me uncomfortable. I am not the kind of person that likes to be the center of attention. I would much rather sit back and observe or be involved in some behind-the-scenes activity. I always feel as if people are staring at me when I go to a new church. I hate that. I just want to come and worship quietly, without attracting attention. But it always feels as if people are looking at me. This was something I have had to deal with recently. I have been going to church with my boyfriend the last few months (which I love, don't get me wrong). So not only am I a new person, I am coming with someone who has been going there most of his life. Even though its been 3 months now, I still feel awkward and out of place most days. And everyone knows my name. I think I know about 15 peoples names and yet I think the whole place knows mine. And so, on top of feeling awkward and uncomfortable at church, I am starting to feel a little stupid. I don't ever remember feeling so out of place, so ignorant. Not only am I feeling physically uncomfortable in my surroundings, I am feeling spiritually uncomfortable. I took a lot of things for granted. I was and still am in many ways, a baby christian. I never had to really think for myself. I simply took things as they were taught to me as fact and didn't think another second about it. I think I took everything at face value. I can say I believe in God, that I am a christian. But when I step back and look at my life, do other people see it? I am finding that there are so many things I still have to learn. I was comfortable and because I was comfortable, I was not growing or learning. But I think that has started to change. I am actually enjoying this uncomfortable feeling. It has made me look at my life and realize how far I have to go. I am going to enjoy this journey, this path of learning and growing that will lead me ever closer to my Lord. My prayer is that this never end, that I never again feel so comfortable that I stop growing in Christ.

Work, work, and more work

So let me say that this week at work as been not the greatest in my life. Last weekend, Carolyn, our normal charge nurse was sick. Not that that in itself is a problem...after all, both Rachel and I can charge so we figured we would be fine. And we did okay for the first couple hours. Rachel charged Friday night. It was her and I and a bunch of new grads. Doesn't add up to a very succesful night. But we were good. Then we had a code. A young woman, in with heart failure, decided it would be a good time to just die on us. It was a very ugly experience to say the least. We coded the poor thing for about an hour with no success. She had a one year old daughter. Rachel and I still see her face when we go to sleep at night. She told me at work last night that she holds Emma (her daughter who will be a year old on Wednesday) and just cries thinking about how that mother will never hold her baby again. Its heartbreaking really. I know we did everything we could do but it still bugs me a little bit. Mindy said something about it just being God's time for her and while I don't disagree, it still makes me wonder if maybe there wasn't something that we missed, something we could have seen or done to make the outcome a little better. Wow, depressing post huh. Sometimes I wish I worked in a coffee shop or something. Something a little less stressful and just a little less important. Not that I don't think coffee is important. After all we all know how addicted I am! But I dont think that getting someone's coffee wrong has quite the same life or death impact. Please pray that I will come to some kind of peace over this situation. I really need my sleep back and it is a frightening thing to see her face when I shut my eyes.

Morrison oh Morrison

Okay, this is just for Netters! I drove across campus yesterday. And in place of what used to be the coolest, best building on the entire campus is what is now of all things....A PARKING LOT. Morrison Hall was the best. Old, run-down, barely making fire code each year. I loved it. I only lived there my sophomore year but I wish I could have been a Morrison girl instead of a Ford girl my freshman year too. Then again I loved Ford Hall...we were the last co-ed class to live there. Well as co-ed as NNU can get! One half girls then a locked door, a lobby, and another locked door to get to the guys! Anyway, back to Morrison. Seeing the parking lot made me sad. Then it made me think about all the good times in Morrison. The ducklings that hatched in our courtyard, putting the little kiddy pool down and buying duck food for them until they were old enough to let them wander out into the big real world. How lovely our room was...the "ghost" that didn't like Josh's picture and kept knocking it down. The fact that our bunk-bed was named Bob...Peter the hairspray bottle...I can't remember what we named the ghost though. Help Me Lynette, I think I'm getting old! And popcorn...always popcorn at least until the popper broke! The Morrison Banquet where we sang kareoke and had the boys serve us dinner. Laying out in the sun studying and having the guys throw water balloons up over the walls into the courtyard. The Penthouse girls...enough said. Yelling flush whenever someone was in the shower. Getting flashed by Dawn and Sarah across the courtyard. Getting yelled at for being noisy by the girls beneath us when we weren't even in the room! Movie nights in Becky and Sarah's room and BYOC...bring your own carpet!!! Remember the little tiny carpet they had??? The amount of STUFF that we had crammed into that little tiny room! Being able to actually use tacks and nails in the walls. And of course last but not least...I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair!!! Any other memories oh roomate my roomate??? Want to know something...other then my parents and siblings, Lynette is the person I have lived with the longest! Two whole years! Gotta say though that the year in Morrison was the best ever. I loved it and I miss that old place. So here's to Morrison Hall and the memories that will last forever. Good-bye Morrison.

Home Sweet Home

YEAH...Im home. Never really thought of Idaho as home until the last couple months or so. I love going to my parents house. For about 2.5 days. Then its time for Idaho again. It rained the ENTIRE time we were there...then again it is western Oregon! Had a great time though. My mom and I took my grandmother out to lunch, we went to the church I grew up in Sunday morning. Basically an all-around good trip home. My grandfather isnt doing real well health-wise right now so I think it was really special that he got to meet Chad. Dad was going to be sitting on the couch cleaning the rifle when Chad and I pulled up but for some reason he wasn't quite ready! I think that would have been hilarious! Oh well. Mindy had my dog for the weekend and since I am awake I should probably go get him! I miss my Kody!